The Final Exam

The days before Guatemala were fraught with hours of studying and final exams.  I had both of my tests on the same day, the day before we landed in Puerto Queztal, Guatemala.

A few weeks ago, the passed around a sheet to buy SAS trips for Japan, Hawaii, and Guatemala.  Isaiah and I figured we'd spent enough money on expensive SAS trips and it was time to give exploration a try.  We saw it as our own little travelers “final exam.”  As the day we were to land in Puerto Quetzal loomed closer, we were more and more disappointed with our decisions.

We had learned that the port itself was in the middle of nowhere.  Like Laem Chabang (Thailand) but much, much worse.  Guatemala City, they told us, was basically off limits (though they couldn't really stop you) because there are an astronomical amount of murders there.  Tikal, the city with all the Mayan ruins which would have been an easy SAS trip to be was a flight or a 10 hour bus ride away.  The insurance company that does reports on the safety of each country recommended we have an 11PM curfew, no matter where we are in the country.   The closest place we could go was the safest city in Guatemala: Antigua.  And its 2 hours away.

So now we're thinking “Great.  We chose a port where it is ridiculously unsafe and there is nowhere to go and nothing to do to not have any SAS trips.”  So the night before we arrived in Puerto Quetzal, we studied for this little traveler's final exam. Isaiah, Ari, and I hopped on wikitravel to garner some intel on Antigua.  We decided we'd go into Antigua, find a place to stay, and go from there.

We arrived in Puerto Quetzal and got off the ship and took the shuttle from our crappy port to another crappy port where the ship called “The World” was docked.  This ship is a ship of condominiums.  You live in the condo and travel the world.  Yeah.  Anyway, there was a transportation company who had a complete monopoly on all of the ways to get out of the port, and their prices were through the roof.

We were some of the last people off of the ship, so we couldn't take a bus to Antigua and get a good rate.  The price of a three-man taxi to Antigua was $160.  That was ridiculous.  We bargained and stood our ground since the diplomats at the diplomatic briefing that morning told us it shouldn't be more than $40 to get from Puerto Quetzal to Antigua.  They knew we weren't joking when they said the only way they could take us to Antigua for the price we were offering was in the back of a pick up truck. We thought this was awesome so we agreed, but we ended up in a regular old sedan taxi and were somewhat disappointed.

This man drove so fast, we made it there in half the time we were told it would take.  He dropped us in the center park of this city, and right away we saw some SASers.  But what struck us was the simplicity of this city.  There were fourteen streets: seven going N-S and seven going E-W.  It would have been much simpler if they had any street signs anywhere, but they didn't.  We grabbed a quick lunch with Tim and more people we found, and then went to find a place to stay.

The wikitravel sheet we had gave us a few options, and after getting lost and calling a hotel from basically right next door to it, we found a place.  The hotel we called was full but the man who owns it owns another hotel and he put us up there.  Our hotel offered a small travel agency, so we booked a 6AM hike up the Pacaya Volcano for the following day.

For dinner we hit a place called “Travel Menu” owned by a Danish man.  The food was AMAZING and the prices were cheap.  Here, Isaiah, Ari, and I reflected on our trip and asked each other questions about favorite moments, embarrassing moments, cultural slip-ups, etc.

We then went to a bar where it was “ladies night” which meant that girls got alcohol for absurdly cheap prices.  I think ladies night is a misnomer.  It really attracts more men when girls are getting drunk for low prices.  This place was crawling with SASers because it was the only place we could go because it was the safest. 

We left the bar past our “curfew” time, and had trouble finding our hotel because at night they close the doors and you have to knock and a man opens a little window to make sure you stay at the hotel.  We had walked past it twice before realizing what was going on.  We got back to the hotel and played a game of Settles of Catan.  I brought it because we didn't know how safe we'd feel in Antigua, so if we had to be in our hotel early, we would need something to do!

The next day was probably the best last full day in a port anyone could have asked for.  It had it all.  We did it all.  Let's get this started.

The next morning we work up at 5 30 and met some other SASers who were staying in our hotel on the shuttle to the Pacaya Volcano.  The shuttle was an hour of the bumpiest roads I have ever been on (I thought I was going to get to sleep a little on the shuttle...not so.)  We got there and everyone bought marshmallows.

The tour was in Spanish, but Ari could translate but it wasn't exactly a science tour and the guide's hand gestures were fine.  The first part of the hike was through a more forest-y type of mountain, with lots and lots of horse poop.  Lazy people or prissy girls or hung-over SASers can take horses up.  I was not and am not any of those three things, and neither were or are any of the people in our group so we were equestrian-free.

After the forest-y part we made it to the actual volcano.  It was covered black sand and we “skiied” down a large hill of this stuff.  As we walked closer the black sand turned into igneus rock that burnt the rubber off of your shoes it was so hot.  And then we made it close enough to the lava to feel the heat radiating off of it.  Lava has always been this mythical substance for me, hearing about it in science class or seeing it in movies.  I was standing three feet from molten rock!  I took lots of pictures and a video or two.

After the volcano we grabbed lunch at the Travel Menu place again because it was so good and then went to the market.

Another thing about Antigua is that it looks so small, but when you walk through a door into a shop, the volume of the shop seems impossibly large.  We were on a mission to get “pantooflas” (that spelling is purely phonetic, I have no idea how to actually spell it) which are really soft shoes that look like a Genie would were them.  Our friends told us they got theirs for 30 Quetzalas.


The first lady we find tries to tell us they are Q120.  That's ridiculous, so we find another lady.  She says Q75.  That was still crazy, so we found another lady who spoke english, who wanted Q50 (after some bargaining) that was still a little high so Ari and Isaiah went to look at jerseys and I went to find some cheaper shoes.  I found a lady to whom we hadn't spoken yet and I got her down to Q40 (which is what we were comfortable paying) but she didn't have our size.  I ran back to the lady who spoke English and said “Hey, I found a lady who is willing to sell us four pairs for Q40 each.  But I like you better.  Give us those for Q40.”  She got really excited and explained that the shoes she had showed us were her friends, who wanted a different price.  She ran away to her shop to find the shoes in our size but she didn't have them.  While she was gone, we got the Q160 together so we could pay in one swoop.

She gets back and explains that she didn't have in our size and that her friend wanted a different price.  I asked to talk to her friend.  We went to her friend who seemed upset that we weren't going for the rip-off price.  She really wanted Q50.  I took out the Q160 and said “Four for 40 each, right here, boom, take it or leave it.”  And they took it and now we have shoes to wear on the ship that are awesome.

After shopping we went to the big church that was right in the central square.  They have a Jesus whose elbows are jointed and whose hair blows in the wind.  He was in a box when we went there, but on Good Friday they take him out and re-enact the crucifixion and taking him down.  Since his elbows move and his hair blows, it is apparently really lifelike.

Then it was nap time.  'Nuff said.

We went across the street from our hotel for dinner, to a place called “La Pena de Sol Latina” where there was a live band playing.  It was great!  We ordered a giant plate of chips and guac and salsa and beans.  I got the best quesadilla I have ever had.  While we were eating one of the professors on the ship and his wife (who is also a professor) came in and recommended we have the brownie.  They also asked us how we were getting back to the ship.  We said we didn't know, and they offered to have their taxi guy pick us up.  We agreed.

This was the best brownie I have ever had.  I cannot even begin to explain.  It was warm and gushy, and with the cold ice cream.....it was just the best brownie in the world.

We had a few drinks here before trying to find a liquor store, which we could not.  We asked someone where we might find some alcohol, and they pointed us to a pharamcy.  Without thinking, we went in and asked them, and the guy said “big or small?” and we said “Big!” He hands us a big thing of rubbing alcohol.  Duh!  A pharmacy!  We can be such idiots.

So we go back to the restaurant with the band and have a few more drinks before heading out to the bar where we knew we'd find a bunch of SASers.  We also found some professors there!  Hanging out with professors has been one of the most rewarding things on this trip.  Getting to know these people on a personal level has really added to my learning.

We stayed at the bar for some time and then left to go to another one, but that one was dead so we went back and played Settlers of Catan again.  This game was hilarious because, well, we had spent quite some time at the bar.

This day had it all: sightseeing on a volcano in the morning, shopping in the afternoon, socializing at night, and then playing Settlers, the official game of the trip.

We slept in on the last morning (this morning) and got breakfast/lunch at “The Bagel Barn,” did a little more shopping and then caught a ride with the professors back to the ship.

We did it!  We got ourselves into a foreign city, found a place to say, did stuff, and made it out without having any concrete plans!  Having Ari speaking Spanish helped a lot.  We gave ourselves our Traveler's Final Exam, and we passed.