John Lockes

I leave tomorrow. For the first time I felt anxious, in a good way. I felt an emotion! I started to jitter in anticipation. It was very short lived but I was so happy to have felt something. It has become so close to reality that I am starting to imagine the trip, still sticking to my rules of goals, not expectations, but positive visualization works too.

I found something out about myself through this experience. I learned that when I am presented with a time where I enter "the unknown" such as studying on a ship (never even been on a big ship) and visiting foreign countries (I've only been to 2 other countries, both to visit friends) I choose not to think about it. Not because I'm scared and want to avoid it, but because I want to avoid making false conclsuions and scare myself and set myself up for unhappiness. I keep it unknown until I get there, giving the unknown a tabula rasa. That way, going on with my metaphor, I can chisel it into any form I want, not thinking it is going to be one shape and then seeing it as another.

I am not scared. I am not really nervous. I'm just starting to get excited. I'm a little sad to be putting my life on hold, because I know I will miss my family and friends. But I know I will see them all when I get back.

Now for Terry O'Quinn's version of the mind behind tabula rasa, I will be missing as well. LOST is a show that transformed the way I viewed television and was a key player in making me want to write for televsion. I will be missing what is promised to be an explosive season 5, and I hope it puts LOST back on the map for some Emmys. And yes, its Emmys not Emmies. Proof.