The Post-Post-Port Reflections Post

We had post-port reflections tonight, and I heard a lot of great stories. I spoke about the students and how they changed me and all of that stuff. A lot of people told stories about their experiences giving out food to the beggars, and I was thinking how I didn't really talk about that too much in my blogs, so I'd like to now.

I wasn't really bothered all that much by the poverty. Of course it was challenging to see and upsetting at times, but I think it was because I was mentally prepared for it. I also understand how there is very little I can do, a real clash of emotions and realizations. It is a byproduct of an overpopulated nation and one of the things that just comes with crowded life. Its hard to realize that, but its the truth. I FEEL like I want to help every last one, but I realize that I just can't. As much as it is sad to see people living on the street, there are very few solutions to solving that kind of thing, and none of them can happen overnight. Charities and developing the economy all take a long time and a lot of work. Chennai is a developing city, and one of the doctors on the trip here told me that Chennai has many less beggars than it did when she was here around 10 or 15 years ago. It was really tricky, too, dealing with this kind of stuff. Confusing, even.

I only gave stuff out twice. The second time was on the last day and the tuktuk guy was like "give them some, you're leaving" and I gave out a little bit and got swarmed and a train was passing and I got stuck.

I felt worse for being able to choose who got what than when I gave nothing at all.

The first time I gave was much more confusing:

I had two water bottles left over from a dinner one night, and as we were walking back I saw a man near the port entry. I walked toward him with my water bottles and he sprang up like a spring, really excited. I gave him the water, and he was still asking for money. "Dollar, dollar, dollar." I said "I can give you the other water bottle" I held it out for him but he wouldn't take it, so I walked away. When I thought about it, I was like "seriously? Beggar denying more water? No way. I'm done" The beggars in the US say things like "godbless" even when you give them a nickel. Their faces light up when you give them half a sandwich. But for some reason water, the essence of life, was not good enough for this man.

So what am I supposed to think? Did I help this man? I gave him something he didn't want. Someone in post-port reflections told a story about how he gave some peanuts to a woman and an Indian man engaged them in conversation and said something like "that isn't helping" and they saw her drop the peanuts. He also said "she wants money or death, so she can come back and have a better life." So is it really worth it to give to the beggars?

I am glad I had these three types of experiences: not giving, getting swarmed, and someone being unsatisfied with what I gave. I feel that I can adequately provide perspective on dealing with beggars in India, and am very thankful for what I have. If I can't help the beggars, then I can learn to appreciate everything I have to the fullest, and generate good karma that way.