Running out of Thaime

While in Thailand, I had a lot of time to myself. I did a lot of thinking, being alone in 5 star hotel rooms for two nights in a row.

The finiteness of this trip has really sunk in. Compared to the first day when I sat on deck 6 and looked out at the Atlantic Ocean, when I knew I had the world ahead of me and kept saying to myself “what am I doin?” Now, I am a pro-traveler, awesome at bargaining, and aware that this trip is ending in less than two months.

The Buddhism concept of the impermanence of all things, as well as a little bit of This Too Shall Pass has helped me to begin to understand how to treat the rest of the trip. I believe I have spent my time well here, soaking up every minute I have. I will continue to do this, as it is the only way I can be sure that I won't look back and have any regrets. Right Lship 08? No regrets. I'm using it.

I feel like a different person than I used to be. In the 2nd hotel room I looked at myself in the mirror and saw short hair, necklace, glasses, and compared this to a person from not even a year ago this summer-long hair, no glasses. But besides any sort of outstanding physical difference or a piece of South African jewelry around my neck, it is my experience that has transformed the way I feel.

I don't want to make any sort of conclusive feelings about what I've learned on this trip because it is far from over. I imagine I will have quite the blog upon re-entry to the US when I will go home and cry on my family and friends and curl up into a little ball of “I miss the world.”

But home has been on my mind a little more lately than in the last two months, about what it will feel like to get back home. I don't believe in avoiding certain thoughts like “don't think about home!” Because avoiding it can only make it worse. I understand that this trip will come to an end and home will feel different, I just don't know how.

I am a world traveler. I will have flags from all of the countries I've been to flying proudly in my room or in my house or anywhere I choose to put them. I will have patches on my backpack or pillow or my SAS sash I will wear for graduation. I will have photos forever. But most importantly I will have the memories of the people I have met on and off the ship, the lessons I have learned, the places I have been, and the experiences that will have made me who I am.